Interviewer

Could I start by asking your name?

Peter

I’m Peter Jones

Mary

And Mary Jones.

Interviewer

And could I ask how old you are?

Peter

I’m 74

Mary

And I’m 76, but he’s 75 very soon.

Interviewer

And could I ask which friends group we’re talking about today?

Peter

Avery Place

Interviewer

Thank you. Now we are in Nottingham for people who don’t know. And could I ask, have you always been local?

Peter

40 years we’ve been in this house. That’s when we came to Nottingham. I got a job teaching and Mary later got a job as a GP.

Interviewer

And were you Derbyshire based?

Peter

Before that we were up in Huddersfield.

Interviewer

So a teacher and medical, that must have brought you into relationships with lots of different parts of the community, would that be fair?

Peter

Certainly, yes. I could rarely go downtown without somebody saying “Sir”. In those days they treated teachers with respect.  So yes. And parents. So over a period of time. Yes. Met a lot of different people, and got involved in different ways in the community. Yes.

Interviewer

And Mary, what was your specialism in the medical profession?

Mary

Well originally, I qualified in pediatrics, but then when our family came along, it was easier to do general practice because you do that part-time and worked in general practice in Nottingham, about four or five miles from here. And you used to go shopping in Mapperley, and you’d meet patients, and I always felt my patients were my friends. So, there was a certain sense of community, and I worked with a bunch of very nice people.

Interviewer

And did you get involved in other things in the community, church life, for example.

Mary

Big time

Peter

Yes. We’ve always been very committed to the life of the church. Personally, when my teaching career was winding down, I trained for the ministry in the Church of England. And so I’ve been a minister in the Church of England for 20 years now. And that’s brought wonderful opportunities really, that I wouldn’t have had otherwise.

Mary

Yes. And in the early days we were involved in a Christian coffee shop. I’ve done Sunday school for 16 years. And then after I retired I trained to be a lay reader for about 10 years. So that was all good. But lots of things in the church.

Interviewer

And my sense is that, for example, in medicine, spiritual care is an important leg of the stool that keeps us all going. Would you agree?

Mary

I just think it’s really important. And you know, about 20 years ago they all brought out mission statements, and I thought, I don’t want to say what my mission statement is, but I just feel that the actual love, and care for people is quite as important as any sort of medical treatment. Well, I mean, they’re both important. And unfortunately, the sort of love, and care gets squeezed out these days because of the huge pressure of work. Yes. Very important.

Interviewer

So we’ve met you at Avery Place Care Home. So, what got you involved there, both of you?

Peter

It probably started for me because the local church used to do regular services, and I was asked to take those sometimes, and then they said, “can you come in and do a Carol service where you sing?” And I said, I’ll give that a go.” That was maybe about 10 years ago now. That went quite well. And then they said, “why don’t you come in and do that more regularly, sing some hymns.” And so that’s what I’ve been doing. And then I think there was only one care home, now there’s two. So, we go into both of them.

Mary

And I did 10 years of hospital Chaplaincy after I retired. I always enjoyed that dimension of being a Chaplain just coming alongside of people, and you can sort of tease out very gently whether this person is interested in faith, and issues like that and get to a deeper level of conversation. And then I just started visiting Acer Court for a number of years.

Interviewer

That’s great. Now Peter, you talked a bit about hymn, singing and I’m interested about the effect of music with people with dementia. Can you tell me a bit about how that works from your perspective?

Peter

Yes. I think that a lot of the people that we meet, they will have gone along to church when they were younger. They will be familiar with quite a number of old hymns. That’s great because I quite like old hymns because I’m getting a bit older. We’ve got into a bit of a routine over the years, I guess, where we pick half a dozen hymns, old ones that we think they’ll know, generally, although there are some more modern ones, and we take them along and sing together. And it’s quite a wondrous thing. You know, I have to say, I feel I gain a lot more than I give. There have been times I have to admit where I’ve thought, “oh no, got to go down there this afternoon”, and I trundle down, and I am lifted.

Peter

My spirit is lifted by being there, by the involvement of these lovely people. And when I say involvement, we always say, join in as you can. You know, if you can’t read the words, you might be able to sing from memory, but if you can’t, then just hum along. And whatever contribution you make, make a joyful noise to the Lord, you know? And in any case, just try and drown me out for goodness sake. Sometimes it borders on the miraculous.  People who have a great deal of difficulty communicating, and suddenly will burst into song, and join in in a way that you perhaps wouldn’t have imagined was possible. And you can see what a difference that makes to them because they are able to contribute. I imagine it brings back memories of good times when they were younger oftentimes. And you feel this is a marvelous thing that’s happening here, and it’s just a joy to be a part of it.

Mary

There’s something about music that just reaches the soul, and you know, it’s such a powerful emotional activity, if I can call it that. I don’t know the right word. And, you know, you feel close to tears, and close to God quite often through music. So, you know, when I visit, I go along with my Spotify and I’ll say to people, you know, do you want any music? And one of the residents there loves Cliff Richard. And then we’ll maybe have a prayer. But it just is a wonderful way of reaching the depths of a person

Peter

Yes, I think that we have had a long time commitment to church, and our beliefs are very important to us, but I think we think very broadly about God’s activity. We don’t think, oh, it’s got to be hymns, you know, otherwise God’s not there. We think God is in every aspect of relationship, you know, because he was the creator, and any response that we have or any relationship we build with another human being, for us, I think it’s a picture of God who is in relationship with God’s self.

Interviewer

I just want to come back to what Mary just said. So, we may have people listening to this who are people of no faith, and who are thinking, well, is there a space for me to contribute? And actually, what you described a bit, Mary was a bit like a befriending relationship. There’s an opportunity to get to know people. Have you done some of that in the home? How has that worked in the past for you?

Mary

Yes. I mean, I have visited fairly regularly, and I just ask people general questions, and I suppose because I hope it doesn’t sound too big. I do sort of see myself in a chaplaincy role. I would use it to find out about faith, but you know, to show absolutely everybody that you care is important.

Interviewer

So it could just be Cliff Richard though

Mary

It was Cliff Richard

Peter

And not just because he’s a Christian.

Mary

The person in question. It was Our Father that she particularly requested by Cliff Richard, which was lovely. And then we started playing other Cliff Richard music.

 

Interviewer

Yes, that’s good though. I’ve very much enjoyed hearing what you’ve had to say. When you knew I was coming today. Is there anything you wanted to tell me you haven’t had the chance to say?

Mary

I did vaguely want to mention how we began. We met because of, you know, I did a sort of equivalent of a VSO year. And part of me is always I just can’t stop myself. I don’t want to live for myself. I want to live for other people. So, I was a flying doctor in Lesotho,  many, many years ago. Peter, meanwhile, was going around the world and through various connections of friends we met up, which was rather special.

Interviewer

So where in the world did you meet?

Mary

We met in Leicester.

Interviewer

Okay.

Mary

I came back, I wrote from Africa to Derby Children’s Hospital saying, give us a job. And they gave me a job in pediatrics and Peter’s Mum lived in Leicester, and there was a mutual friend.

Interviewer

Excellent.

Peter

Yes. But we have different approaches to it if you can gather that because Mary has this inbuilt need to serve, you know, whereas I am more reluctant to be dragged away from the golf course, and but I find it so rewarding even more than playing golf. So, you know, that’s quite an interesting contrast in our personalities, and approaches.

 

Mary

But you get to meet people, and bless people.

Peter

Yes, I do. Exactly. But it’s a blessing to me. But the other thing I would say is that it would be easy just to lump all these dear individuals together, you know, these poor dementia people as a group, but they’re not really, they’re individuals and they’re all very precious to us. And even more precious to God, we believe.

Interviewer

Thank you. Thank you so much.