Interviewer

So would you be able to tell me your name, the Friends group that you’re part of, and your age, if that’s alright?

Bob Hackett

My, my name is, my full name and Christian name is, is Robert Hackett, but I’m known as Bob, Bob Hackett. I’m 78 years of age. And what else did you ask me?

Interviewer

And which Friends group are you part of?

Bob Hackett

Friends of Oaklands.

Interviewer

And what first inspired you to get involved with the Friends of Oaklands?

Bob Hackett

Well, the major driver was my, my friend who has severe Alzheimer’s, specifically Alzheimer’s. He was in clinical trials some years ago, but we were going back 10 years perhaps. He’s, he’s long term, but he’s still stable. But they used to come here when they lived in this area. So I came along with him, but I also used to visit with him, because in his early stages he was still sufficiently lucid. Once he got the dementia set in, he wasn’t able to do a lot of things, but his wife was his prime carer. Well, they’re also the same age as me. But at that time, he was sufficiently able to talk about what it felt like to suffer in this way. Because I was involved in the health circuit, we used to go to GP practices, where he would speak to the practices, the nurses, patients that were brought in to hear what it was like to be a dementia sufferer.

Bob Hackett

By that time he’d been diagnosed with Alzheimer. His wife was, was brilliant in the sense that she would not answer for him. So there were long pauses when he was presenting, when he tried to get the words he wanted to use together, but she wouldn’t have. And the staff and the patients in particular were just amazed at that. Well, because he’d been a long term friend. And earlier years he’d been the organist in a church. He actually built organs. He built a barrel organ. He, he built a Harpsichord. He was a master craftsman as a hobby, although he’d been the senior manager in the Post Office in earlier days. But when this set in, he had to stop. He still plays to this day. He still plays the piano. He normally goes twice a week to residential care, just for the day. But his wife is his prime carer.

Bob Hackett

He gets carers in at home. He’s still still able to play his piano. Well, that inspired me. Plus my academic background is in psychology and my Master’s was on the cholinesterase hypothesis in dementia. So it seemed unfair not to come to Oaklands where they were to offer what little help I could with people that are suffering in this way. Because, I use the word suffering because we don’t know whether they’re actually suffering. They just see you feel the world differently. So it’s, it’s being able to do something, as long as I can. That’s amazing. That’s the gist of it.

Interviewer

What is your role at the Friends of Oaklands?

Bob Hackett

What’s, it’s just as it says on my little Oakland’s Friends label. I’m, I’m just a, a Friend of Oakland’s there. So this particular Wednesday, once a month is, is the coffee. It’s called a dementia cafe. So the idea is to help just chat with people, serve them tea and coffee in case, and just talk with them. So listen, chat, try and support them. You get to know them. I also have a problem remembering people’s names. So it’s quite fun trying to, so I have a little book with me because I write their names down, so… Next Wednesday, because I belong to the church next door, Parish of Langdon Hills, the church next door is St John’s. And so I’m actively involved in my church life, and I’m allowed to take house communion. So, that’s why I lead a communion service here once a month, on a second Wednesday. So Lorraine gets people in there and there are, there are some patients that, some residents, that take communion and some staff, which is great to be able to offer that service.

Interviewer

Do you have a favourite memory of your time here at Friends of Oaklands?

Bob Hackett

I think the favourite memory, you may be talking to Doris afterwards, the lady, Doris and her husband, John, that in there, John has quite severe dementia, but he does still recognise his wife Doris. They’ve just had their diamond, is it 60 years marriage, and a couple of weeks ago with the letter from the King. Because when you, if you let the Palace know that they’ve been married 60 years, they will send a letter from the King commemorating and celebrating their 60 years of marriage. And this Saturday, I think is John will be 85. So that is a tremendous memory because I’ve seen John, in the last 18 months, perhaps two years, slowly get worse in terms of the effects of the dementia to him. But he still recognises… He recognises me, but he’s always very friendly, and Doris is just incredible. Because, as knowing my, with Jean and Tony, my friends, knowing how the partner cares for their partner and the way they do it, such love and compassion so that they’re with them wherever they are mentally. Yes. And that’s the important thing. So those, those memories like that, realising that I cannot see or feel the world through their residents. A person with dementia, I assume they’ve got something in there going on. Okay. And you just want to listen and love them. That’s all. That’s so how do you do that? So it’s a good message from Christ to see, love thy neighbour.

Interviewer

Yes. Do you think the Friends groups are different today than they were when you first started?

Bob Hackett

I think there’s, we are more active in a sense. because there’s a few more of us now that we’ve jelled together with David and Catherine. They do a lot of things that they don’t get d involved in, like lot of the gardening stuff things. So the presence here is really quite dramatic. It has a significant difference in the life of this place when they’re not here, the things that the Friends does, it’s just tremendous. In the garden area. That’s just brilliant. It’s so colourful and when the sun comes out, people love it. You know, it’s just…

 

Interviewer

I saw on my way in. It’s beautiful.

Bob Hackett

It’s, well, that wasn’t there two years ago. In that form.

Interviewer

Do you think that there’s still a need for the community to support care homes, and hospitals?

Bob Hackett

Definitely. I mean, I think the prime importance there is for that friendship element to show caring concern for other human beings that perhaps in the less good place than you are, if you can. So it’s trying to literally love their neighbour just to, to be there with care. So without that sort of a community support, where would they get it? Because it, because it, it’s a hard job for staff. It’s a hard job.

Interviewer

Would you say it’s more important now than it was before? Or has there just been more presence?

Bob Hackett

I think post covid the importance of having carers, visitors in places like this. Because when we were all forced to isolate, we realised the companionship of others. And we are…Homo sapiens is a gregarious beast. We need others around us, but it’s trying to find how we, how we react.

Interviewer

So how do you think that you would encourage others to support care homes and join friends groups as you did?

Bob Hackett

By talking with them in the first instance? Letting them know that what you do, share stories with them. Stories are very powerful. They’re, they’re where the real world is telling each other’s stories, what’s going on. So it’s doing that.

Interviewer

That’s all. Thank you for talking with me today.

Bob Hackett

Okay. You’re very welcome. Thank you for asking. Because It’s, it’s an opportunity to spread the word

Interviewer

Of Course. And we can share your story.